The “reset” button – reestablishing authority with your child

I’ve told my wife that one of our children needs to have it out with me about every six months.  Now I know this runs counter to what many would say, but I’ve found that this child loses perspective on the adult-child difference and that distinction needs to be reaffirmed about twice a year.  The way it is reestablished is usually through a heated disagreement.  Typically that child then goes back to accepting the boundaries established for him/her and everything is fine until another six months or so goes by.  One of our other children can barely handle “the look” – a full-throated argument would push him/her over the edge.  I’m not talking about heated arguments just to vent. I’m talking about recognizing an opportunity to hit the “reset” button – to reestablish authority with your child.

We’ve got to learn how to parent each child as an individual.  Often it is the oldest child that we grow used to parenting and if we don’t stay actively engaged, we take what works with that child and use it with the others.  While it is possible to luck out and find one strategy that works for all of your children, more likely you will be parenting one child effectively and parenting your other children less so because you are asking them to respond to strategies that are not adapted to who they are.  You are parenting individuals – look for principles and strategies that work for other families and children, but modify and employ them based upon the particular makeup of each child.  There is no parenting technique that is universally effective – no one reset button each parent can push.

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