The ladder of social standing – making the choice that is best for you vs. the choice that is perceived as best by others

Tuesday we had a conversation over dinner about the percussion section within marching band.  The gist of the discussion was that there is a natural hierarchy to the instruments played within the percussion section and that choosing to move from a higher instrument to a lower instrument is socially unacceptable.

I attempted to point out that any such hierarchy is simply a creation of the community and as such a person who is secure should be able to play whichever instrument at whatever point in his musical career he chooses.  That argument made little headway among our three teenagers and reminded me again that we often accept community-defined hierarchies as though they are reality.

First a quiz and then I’ll turn to us as adults.

QUIZ: Put the following instruments into ascending order of social standing among the percussion section.

A) Marching bass drum

B) Marching snare

C) Marching quads

D) Cymbals

Adults: Do we fall into the same trap when it comes to the zip code in which we live, the make of car we drive, and the labels in our clothing?  Of course, as adults we have sophisticated explanations as to why our choices are the appropriate ones and how we have discerned some real difference of significance among the choices.  I have no problem with that as long as we are being honest with ourselves.  If a person used to drive a Lexus and now drives a Hyundai, must that reflect a loss in social standing or could it be that the Hyundai is the best choice for this person at this time?

Are you trapped on the ladder of social standing, always fearing that a perceived step back is a real loss?

Don’t allow the perceptions of others to control your behavior – that’s a lesson we are trying to teach our teenagers and one that many of us need to relearn.

ANSWER: In ascending order, the instruments are D, A, C, B.  Having reached the pinnacle of playing snare, one would never descend the mountain of instrumental greatness to play cymbals.  Trust me on this.

Twelve suggestions for the New Year – An Update

Here’s a brief recap of my twelve suggestions and an update on how I’m doing with each one.  I’ll post my score at the bottom.

#12: Write a handwritten note each month to someone who will appreciate receiving snail mail.

I did send a couple of handwritten cards earlier this year, but this one’s really a struggle for me. (0.5)

#11: Since eleven is the number of participants on a side in both versions of football, I encourage you to join a team this year – to be part of something larger than yourself, something (outside of work) where you share in the outcome with others.

Hasn’t happened yet.  Unless eating wings with friends at Fricker’s counts.  Didn’t think so. (0.0)

#10: The next time your family gathers for a grandparent's birthday celebration, have that person share one significant memory from each decade of his/her life.

Have done this in the past – need to revive this one for 2012.  Wow – so far I’m not off to a great start. (0.0)

#9: Only cats have nine lives.  Buckle up and put the phone down while driving.

Always wear a seatbelt.  Actually looked at a Bluetooth device for my phone the other day.  Probably not doing great on the phone (OK, that’s a fail). (0.5)

#8: Get eight hours of sleep. So I'm going to try and get in a routine that allows me to spend eight hours in bed even if not every minute is spent sleeping.

This was not a sexual reference as some read it to be.  I will say that I am doing much better about getting to bed earlier and getting more sleep. (1.0)

#7: Have a Sabbath rest each week.  This Jewish tradition is thousands of years old and just as needed today.  For me personally, a Sabbath rest is a reminder that I need to trust in the presence and provision of God.

Doing well on this one – I’ve been consciously considering it each weekend as I plan my days. (1.0)

#6: It's amazing how much energy many of us expend getting the parking spot closest to the door.  How about parking six spots beyond the closest and getting some additional exercise walking a few yards further each way?  It won't change your life, but may remind you of the need to keep moving those joints.  Of course, if it's pouring, get as close as possible.

Actually have thought about this a lot and am working to make it happen. (1.0)

#5: Lose five pounds by no longer drinking sugary drinks.  The average American consumes 20 teaspoons of sugar per day, much of it in sugary drinks.  My problem is I rarely drink soda, so I'll have to find another way to lose those pounds.

Sugary drink intake hasn’t changed for me – already drink so little in that category.  As I said, I need to find another way to lose those pounds. (0.5)

#4: Read one book a quarter - that's one book every three months.

I’m doing this and loving my Kindle in the process.  For one thing, my Kindle is used only for reading (I know you can set up your e-mail accounts on your Kindle, but that would just be one more place I would be distracted). (1.0)

#3: Think of three people from your past to thank for their contributions to your life.  I did this a while back and the responses were wonderful.

I’m still counting the notes I sent in the recent past – I just need to sit down and think of another three people to thank.  That shouldn’t be too hard! (0.5)

#2: Travel to two places this year that you've never been to before.  Choose one local destination (every community has interesting spots worth visiting - don't they?) and one at a distance.

Before the year’s out we’re headed to Mt. Rushmore – that’s my faraway spot.  Not sure about the local destination – have to keep working on that one. (0.5)

#1: Once a day tell someone "I love you."

This is not a struggle for me.  I love words of affirmation and try to give them freely, especially within my family. (1.0)

That’s a 7.5 out of 12.  Probably a “D” but since it’s only March, I’ll recast that as a positive and say I’m off to a reasonable start.  Have to update you later this year.

What’s your score so far in 2012?