Guiding Children through Religion

Someone sent me this link to an audio program where three mothers share their spiritual journeys and how they convey their religious convictions to their children.

NPRs Guiding Children through Religion (The audio is 17 minutes long.)

There are three differing perspectives – a Muslim mother exposing her son to a wide range of religious beliefs, a Catholic mother struggling with her own faith in light of her daughter’s experiences with the church, and a Protestant mother who is looking to engender “sticky faith” in her children (follow the link to see her book on Amazon).

I encourage you to listen and reflect on your own approach to religious education.

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“Big Allowance” – Phase II

Last year we began a system with our oldest child called “Big Allowance” (that’s our catchy name for it).  The idea was that we gave him a monthly stipend equal to the cost of having him in our home (not counting utilities, groceries, or transportation).  It did include expenses related directly to him such as dining, clothing, cellphone, school fees, fun and entertainment, charitable giving, music lessons and instrument costs, and so forth.

We found a credit union (DayAir) that allowed him to open an account and provided a debit card.  Each month we wrote him a check which he deposited into his account.  He was then responsible for his expenses.  That was the theory.

Last year was a marginal success.  He learned that money is a necessity, that decisions have consequences, and that he spends too much on Otis Spunkmeyer cookies.  Unfortunately, like the government, we engaged in bailouts and exceptions.

This year we are adopting “Big Allowance Phase II.”  Here are the changes:

• The monthly allotment has increased (call it a cost-of-living adjustment).
• We now pay him in cash each month and he puts the cash into appropriately titled envelopes for his specific areas of expenses.
• We have said there will be no more bailouts or exceptions.  One example, if he had ordered his yearbook by today he would have saved $5, but since he does not have enough cash in his School Supplies envelope, he will save his money until he has enough and that means he will pay $5 more as a result.
• The envelopes have been marked as either RED or GREEN. Red means the category is non-discretionary and he may not take money from that envelope to spend on another area.  Green means the category is discretionary and can be redistributed.

We’ll let you know about Phase III next year.  The good news, he’s still a high school junior and has some time to sort this out before he gets to college and faces the salesperson in the student union determined to sign him up for a credit card.

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Dedication – What does it look like?

In the “a picture is worth a thousand words” category, we have this photo from our friends in Thailand.

Two takeaways: 1) This is what dedication looks like, and 2) Maybe our children aren’t as addicted to video games as I might sometimes imagine (i.e., it could be worse!).

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The question to ask is “Who are you becoming?”

The PSAT was administered yesterday.  If you aren’t aware, it is the standardized test taken by high school juniors in preparation for the SAT and in hopes of earning scholarships through the National Merit Scholar program.

This was just the latest reminder that our oldest child will be heading off to college in the not-too-distant future.  We are exploring options (where?) and reasons (why?) in selecting both a school and major.  One question that is often asked of children and teens is “What do you want to do?”

The truth today is that most young people will have multiple careers over the course of their adult lives.  I’m on my 4th or 5th career, depending upon how one counts (professional student, minister, college professor, educational entrepreneur, and consultant).

This multiple-career reality can remind us that life isn’t primarily about what you do, but who you are becoming and how that becoming is reflected in your current “what I do.”

Similarly, the question “What do you want to do?” may suggest that real life awaits somewhere in the future; that you are making decisions today that will be of consequence once you really start to live.

I always bristle when people suggest that children and teens are preparing for life as though they aren’t living now.  Children and teens are people – not yet fully mature (but who is?) – who are living real lives of consequence in the present.

So at every stage of life I prefer to ask: “Who are you becoming?”

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Sending signals – Like grammar, attitudes are caught

When I was a college professor, I would pick on my colleagues who taught English, asking why after taking both College Writing I and College Writing II, our students were such poor communicators.  The answer?  Grammar is caught more than it is taught.  Much of our mastery of grammar comes through listening to those with whom we grow up and is well established before we ever set foot in kindergarten.  That doesn’t mean people are incapable of improving their grammatical skills as they grow older, it just means they may be working against a deeply ingrained set of habits.

The other night Judy and I attended the open house at our children’s high school.  As we walked through their schedules, we came to a class where the teacher was going around the room, making comments about each child as the parents said their names.  Everything was quite positive – “Susie, she sits up front and asks great questions.  Sanjay is quiet and respectful – does well on his homework” and so forth.  Then she came to a set of parents and when they identified their child’s name, the teacher’s face took on a stern look and she said, “He needs a kick in the pants.  He needs to develop a work ethic.”

What the teacher couldn’t see was the back of the father’s shirt.  It was why I started laughing and jabbed Judy to make sure she was looking at his shirt.  It read: “Work sucks.”

Evidently attitudes about work and grammar are both caught more than they are taught.  This should remind us that we need to be careful what signals we are sending, particularly when we aren’t thinking consciously about teaching our children.  That’s when they are listening, watching, and learning to emulate.  What signals are you sending?

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