Producing reasonably secure individuals – #’s 11 & 12

This is the continuation of a list from this month’s Effective Family Communication newsletter (you can sign up by clicking on “Receive Our Newsletter” in the upper right corner of this page).

#11: Protecting them even when they say they don't need or want protecting.

This is difficult because our kids may resist our attempts to protect them while still needing it.  They need boundaries regarding where they may go, with whom, when, and what they may do while there.  Don’t abdicate your role as parent because a teenager says he/she doesn’t need your help.

#12: Letting them suffer consequences so they learn that mistakes matter, even if unintentional.

This is the other side of the same coin.  Protecting our children doesn’t mean shielding them from all consequences.  For many young adults the consequences their parents allow them to experience are some of the most memorable seasons of learning.

I’m sure you’ve got other suggestions for producing reasonably secure individuals.  I’d love to hear them!

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Talking about zits

As a home with three teenagers it was time for a conversation about zits. So my wife bought skin cleanser – a face wash with an active ingredient to fight the buildup of bacteria on our children’s faces.

Some areas of life have been dramatically altered since we were teens – has anyone walked across the room to change the channel on a TV recently, been unable to move away from the phone base due to the length of the cord, or gone to the library to look at an atlas?

Other things really don’t change.  When I was growing up I was told that I could reduce the number of zits by doing three things: 1) Washing my face regularly, 2) Not touching my face with my hands, and 3) Avoiding greasy foods and chocolate (that’s just crazy!).

Now I’m not talking about serious acne problems, just the typical teenage experience.  If you go online and research “zits” – something we couldn’t do when we were teens – you’ll see that the advice remains pretty much the same.  For #3 above, substitute “Eat a balanced diet and avoid greasy food, starchy foods, and chocolate” (isn’t this pretty much the American diet these days?).  Add #4, “Get plenty of sleep so that your hormones are as balanced as possible and your body is prepared to fight the acne-causing bacteria on your skin.”  And #5, “Avoid cheap makeup and don’t wear it to bed” (not something with which I ever had to deal).

You pick your top remedies, but don’t avoid the conversation.  Your kids will benefit from knowing that you had zits when you were young and that you may actually have some wisdom in dealing with them.  Just make sure that the focus is on helping them through one of the natural difficulties of life without focusing on issues of appearance or beauty as the ultimate objective.  This is just another opportunity for them to learn how to keep things in perspective.

Technorati Tags: acne problems,greasy food,starchy food,balanced diet,skin cleanser,face wash,hormones,bacteria,acne,makeup,chocolate

Warnings vs. Tickets

I was at lunch yesterday with a friend and we were discussing strong-willed children.  He said he had heard an interesting distinction made between issuing warnings and tickets.

Children are given a choice between receiving a warning with a corresponding lecture OR receiving a ticket – no lecture, just corrective action.

With strong-willed children, however, we sometimes give too many warnings, spend too much time negotiating during lectures, and the child avoids any corrective action.  What he had heard was that with strong-willed children you may need to give more tickets and fewer warnings (without giving the child the choice between the two).

Interesting idea.

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Family Viewing Suggestion – “Human Planet”

“There’s so little good to watch these days.”  “Everything on TV is garbage.”

Common sentiments, but not ones I find convincing.  In fact, I would say there is a lot more worth watching these days then when I was growing up.  There is, however, a lot of inappropriate advertising even in the midst of worthwhile programming (the ad for Mike & Molly that appeared during football the other night was not appropriate for a younger family audience), and a lot of programming is garbage (do I really need to list examples?).

[Warning – lack of clear segue.]

I had a great Christmas this year, largely because I was able to surprise those I love with special gifts.  I was also surprised by some of my gifts - great music from my kids and a wonderful Blu-ray series that my nephew purchased.

If you enjoyed the splendor of Planet Earth, then you’ll love Human Planet (click on the links to view the items on Amazon).  The content isn’t rated – I would say some of what we’ve seen would garner a PG (perhaps even PG-13) for subject matter.  It is a reminder both of how amazing people are and how thankful I am to live where I do.

So if you have teens or are willing to watch selectively, I would recommend Human Planet highly.

Technorati Tags: david attenborough,human planet,family audience,pg 13,planet earth