In response to my recent post, “Parents’ Guide to Understanding Your Kids: Tip #2 – People Tell Stories for Different Reasons,” Denise asked: “How do you handle your 14-year old hanging out at the fast food restaurant at 10:30 PM when he said he was at his friends’ house because he was there for 5 minutes when he went to pick them up before hanging out in the street? When challenged, your child responds: ‘And besides, Dad, you stretch the truth with your stories and you don't recognize that there is something wrong with that.’”
Great question. 
Intuitively telling a story and being dishonest are separated by intent. Let’s start with what it means to lie to someone. If I intend to deceive you then I am speaking dishonestly whether what I say is true or false. If you ask, “Is it sunny outside?” and I respond, “No,” believing that it is sunny and intending to deceive you, then I have spoken dishonestly even if it is actually raining.
Now intentions are difficult to discern – I have trouble knowing my own true intentions at times. But children can understand that exaggerating for the point of emphasis and intending to deceive are not the same. I would question my 14-year old as to what he intended for me to believe as a result of what he said. Did he simply neglect to mention that most of the evening was spent at the fast food restaurant or was he intending to deceive me by speaking in a way that while technically true was intentionally misleading?
Trust that helps – writing this makes me think of some clarifying conversations I need to have with my own children.
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