The value of secondary friendships

Hopefully you have friends and hopefully they extend beyond a collection of Facebook walls, LinkedIn contacts and Twitter followers – actual people with whom you can sit down over a cup of coffee.

What happens when your life is in turmoil and you feel as though you will damage those relationships if you are entirely honest about your struggles and the challenges you face?  What if your friends tire of your travails and eventually begin screening your calls?  What then?

That’s where you’ll see the value of secondary friendships – people who genuinely care and are willing to listen, but who aren’t a part of your everyday life.  We had the opportunity to serve as secondary friends to a couple in crisis.  We went out to dinner and listened (although I warned them that as a professional advice-giver I might have some ideas for them).  I don’t know that anything was solved, but they felt freedom to be honest while knowing that we weren’t the people they would be rubbing shoulders with tomorrow.

Seek out secondary friends when needed.  Be a secondary friend to another.  Professional counseling has its place, but sometimes having a secondary friend who will listen is just what you need.

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