I was with a client recently, talking about how someone had responded to two people in similar circumstances quite differently. It reminded me of my hassle theory of love.
The reason the person my client and I were discussing had responded differently to two people in similar circumstances was because with the one person it wasn’t worth the hassle and with the other it was.
So I realized this theory applies to business relationships as well. Why do some people get away with certain behaviors while others don’t? Because the first set of people are worth the hassles, the second set aren’t.
What makes someone in business worth the hassles? They’re well connected, they are brilliant in some key area, they are otherwise quite likeable, they have been loyal for many years, and so on.
Why am I married? Because Judy’s friendship and presence were worth any hassle I might ever experience. I trust she feels the same.
Kids? The difference with kids is that you don’t get to experience the hassles (not really – babysitting and visiting friends with kids don’t truly count because you get to leave) until you’ve made the commitment and, for reasonably functional individuals, divorcing your kids is much more difficult than divorcing your spouse.
That’s why I’m often reminded of Colossians 3:21: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart” (NASB). I must be cautious that I don’t make my parenting such a hassle to my children that they lose heart. Sure they’ll put up with a lot coming from me, just as I do with them. But I must be careful that I don’t take advantage of their love, especially as I am to be the mature adult in the relationship.
Hassles are the cost of meaningful relationship. Just be thankful you get to experience them with people you love. Because the cost of a hassle-free life is relational isolation.
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