Unable, unwilling, or uninterested

Dunking a basketball, understanding offsides, and scoring a try.

I am unable to dunk a basketball unless you lower the net, give me a mini-trampoline, or I spend the next three years conditioning.  The first, if done sufficiently, will enable my success.  The second might lead to injury or success or injurious success.  The third isn’t going to happen and in all likelihood still wouldn’t produce a dunk with a standard ball and rim height.  Some people would argue that everything you might put in the “unable” category really belongs in the “unwilling” category, but I don’t think that’s true.  I am unable to run a three-minute mile, and so are you.

Parents in my community appear unwilling to learn the offside rule in soccer.  Every year I listen to them talk as though something mysterious or downright conspiratorial has happened every time offsides is called.  (For the benefit of those parents, I have copied in an explanation of the rule at the bottom of this post.)

The other day I was watching rugby.  My kids tolerated it for a while and then began asking me to change the channel.  I like watching rugby but still don’t understand many of the rules.  Somehow it always sounds odd to my American ears when one team “scores a try”- I understand trying to score and succeeding in scoring, but “scores a try” just sounds like you’ve succeeded in trying to score.  Anyway, my kids are uninterested in rugby.

What does any of this have to do with family communication?  Glad you asked.  You are unable to guarantee the success of your child (or spouse, parent, etc.) because it depends, in large measure, on his/her volitional freedom – the willingness to make right choices.  You may be unwilling to take the time to have difficult conversations or to engage your child for the quantity of time that allows moments of quality to emerge.  You may be uninterested in much of your child’s world because it is foreign and played by rules you don’t understand or have chosen to forget.  (Who could willingly, as an adult, inhabit the world of middle school girl relationships?)

Don’t let what you are unable to do, keep you from those relational choices that currently you are unwilling or uninterested in making.  Invest in getting to know your child and his/her world – you may discover that playing the game or observing his/her game takes on new meaning and captivates you in ways you never imagined possible.

Click here for an explanation of soccer’s offside rule.

In soccer, an offside foul is called when an offensive player, or attacking player, is passed the ball and there are not at least two opponents between him or her and the goal line. Usually, these are the goalkeeper and one other defender, but not necessarily. The penalty for an offside foul is that the other team is given possession of the ball.

It's also important to note that offside applies at the moment the ball is passed, not at the moment the ball is received. Therefore, if the offensive player that will receive the pass is "onside" at the time the ball is passed, but then runs behind the unsuspecting defender before receiving the pass, the receiving offensive player is not offsides.

Click here for an explanation of rugby terms.

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