Have you prepared your child for maturity?

I define maturity as “living out one’s preferences appropriately in community.”

I use this definition when talking about Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, people’s personality types, and their preferences in the areas of energy, information, decision-making, and control.

While “appropriately” is unavoidably vague, it conveys the idea that we are not free to say we are mature while insisting on our preferences without regard for others or for the behavioral norms and expectations of our community.

My concern is that children are being asked to “be mature” before they have gained any clarity as to their preferences and how they are inclined to act on those preferences.

For example (I can sense this has become a bit vague for many readers), take a child with a clear preference for extroverting.  She feels a strong need to process her ideas externally (that is, out loud).  When we insist that she “be mature,” it is quite possible she doesn’t understand her preference for external processing (which to her feels like a need) and so we are asking her to work against her natural inclinations with no regard for how difficult that may be.

We need to help the child understand why she feels the need to think out loud and consider strategies for doing so appropriately in community.  This will allow her to grow into maturity rather than demanding maturity apart from the self-awareness and behavioral coaching that make it both meaningful and more likely.

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