The third element of healthy emotional expression

In addition to frequency and intensity, a third element that should be considered when determining the health of one’s emotional expression is duration (frequency and intensity were the focus of this month’s Effective Family Communication newsletter – sign up to receive the newsletter by clicking the link at the top right-hand side of this page).

It is important that we distinguish between aspects of life that are transitory and those that should be durable. My commitment to my wife is durable; my commitment to this keyboard is transitory. If this keyboard breaks, I walk to my closet, pull out another one, and go on with my life. If my wife falls ill, I remain committed to her, and don't merely go looking for another companion.

But some durable emotions are unhealthy.  Carrying a grudge takes a toll on you emotionally, relationally, and physically.  That’s why forgiveness is so important not only for the other person, but for you as well.

In fact, because reconciliation can be offered, but cannot be forced upon another, sometimes forgiveness only really benefits you as you extend it to someone who chooses to reject it.  (Trust me, as parents, we’ve all tried forced reconciliation with our children – “Now, tell your brother you are sorry and give him a hug.”  That’s real effective.)

How can you help your children discern whether their responses to strong emotions are appropriate?  Teach them to gauge the frequency, intensity, and duration of their responses, as well as the appropriate mix of those factors for different types of situations.

This is a lifelong learning process that benefits the learner and everyone with whom she interacts.

Technorati Tags: healthy emotional expression,family communication,frequency,intensity,duration