Even the Mayans had to synchronize their schedules

There are plenty of opportunities each week for the typical family to get their signals crossed.  Parents are coming and going, children are involved in all sorts of activities.

Judy and I haven’t managed to have a unified calendar since I use an electronic version and she uses paper.  So, for all of you with one electronic calendar shared on G-mail or Outlook, the trick is simply keeping the calendar up-to-date.

I’ve encouraged a number of clients to have a weekly calendar session.  Judy and I do this informally – usually each Sunday evening we will have a conversation about the coming week – we look at our social commitments and transportation issues.  Judy handles our social calendar and I don’t mind going places as long as I know with enough lead time to prepare.

One couple I dealt with had a great deal of conflict each week over violated expectations.  Both spouses work and the wife would promise to be home early – wanting to please her husband and keep the peace.  Once at work, however, she would realize she needed to stay late.  Her husband no longer believed her assurances about coming home and grew more frustrated with her schedule.  Her attempts to keep the peace only made things worse.  I encouraged them to have a calendar session each week.  After a few weeks I asked my client how it was going and she said that things had improved markedly.  She would identify the nights she was going to be late and kept her promise to be home at the dinner hour on the other nights.  It wasn’t so much about whether she was early or late as much as it was about expectations and interpretations of why expectations had been violated – her husband’s feeling that her work must be more important to her than her family was.

As with so many issues it comes down to communication.  Be honest about what you need from other family members each week and don’t make promises you are unable to keep.

This issue is not new – even the Mayans had to synchronize their schedules.  At least you don’t have to roll a couple of large stones into the kitchen each week to have your calendar session.  No excuses – just commit to making it happen (put it on your calendars) and you’ll be thankful you did.

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